BY CHAQUANA TOWNSEND
You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)
This season in my life has been one of the most encouraging and hopeful seasons of my life thus far! At 25, I have tasted the deep waters of the King. I have sat with Him and allowed him to minister to my broken places. I have truly found the one my heart longed for, and I want more and more each day.
Let me explain: The Lord has shown himself to be true, mighty, and everlasting! I am tasting freedom more and more each day (there are many chains that Lord still has to break in my life); even though life can be painful and hard to deal with. As a single woman who longs to find her worth and value in Christ and not in physical beauty or attracting the opposite sex, the Lord has comforted me in the midst of deep pain and constant struggles. Growing up in the inner-city myself and experiencing deep and painful physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, I have to fight the lies of the enemy and the lies I tell myself every single day. I am constantly at the Lord’s feet begging Him to give me strength. I have experienced peace when my heart was waging war. I am slowly but surely trusting God to really satisfy me and continually heal me where it hurts.
Two of the things I struggle with the most are: control and fear of Man (people pleasing). As I stated in my last blog, the Lord has freed me from needing the approval and acceptance of Man; however, my flesh is tempted to revert back to fear and the idolatry of Man. Although I know I don’t NEED to be accepted and approved by people, my heart WANTS to be accepted and approved by them.
Moreover, I try to control every area of my life using discipline, devotion, and sometimes manipulation, in order to protect myself from others and to get what I want. God is showing me the areas in my life where I have put Him off of the throne and put myself, other people, and other things, in that place. With all that being said, my sin struggles have pushed me to the throne of grace. They have pushed me to find my all in all in Jesus and nothing and no one else. I am fighting lies from the enemy, the desire to control my life, and fear of people and situations. However, he is fighting the battle with me. He is leading me beside the still waters and giving me living waters. I have peace in the midst of storms; I have hope in the midst of pain.
Never in a million years would I have ever dreamed that I would taste what it means to be satisfied in Jesus. I pray that I continue to go to Him to be satisfied even when my flesh wants me to do otherwise. Satisfaction in the Lord is a constant, minute by minute, day by day pursuit of Jesus. May we actively desire, long, and fight to be completely satisfied in Him.