Grace in Various Forms
by Bryan Kelly
Love, power, favor, undeserved action, forgiveness, presence.
There are gracious developmental structures and opportunity, and there are relationships where we hope kids are developed outside of programs. We have believed for years that we are most effective when all of them work together in layers. There's a great synergy when parents, teachers, structures, life-on-life staff, life-on-life mentors, etc., all work together, but sometimes a child’s continued disrespect and disruptive behavior leads us to remove a child from our programs, at least for a season. We have had the discussion many times over the years.
“We don’t want to give up on them.”
“I am worried it will be worse for them if they aren’t here."
While I think one of the best places a child can be is with us where our goal is to pursue a culture of love and grace. There is also another part of grace that we believe in as well: loving discipline.
There is simply no true love or grace without loving discipline. It becomes destructive for a child, or any of us for that matter, to be allowed to continue in destructive behavior. Other kids can’t get the personal, academic, social, and spiritual support they need when another individual’s behavior creates an unsafe and hurtful environment.
But, what I love about our philosophy of ministry/relationships is that our program is only an instrument of grace and our work, it's not THE work.
Over the years many of our staff have lived in the neighborhood. Kids may not be at the building from 3-6 PM sometimes, but being physical neighbors with them we still got to see and interact with them. This intentional sharing of life together has been our commitment since I started CGM almost 14 years ago. The programs come and go, they change and grow, but relationships are the context where God’s grace and his very presence is transferred back and forth. We truly believe this.
I saw it happen recently when a young man was suspended from our program after a pattern of disruptive behavior and disrespect. Most of the time in life when action like this happens, relational distance happens. It doesn’t have to mean we are quitting or giving up on a person. After all, how do you give on a person God hasn’t given up on? And, if He hasn’t given up on us, how can we give up on others? The context to show that to the world is with our life, time, and the relationships we pursue. God has chosen to love, transform, and lead us in a relationship. It’s also the context for impact among one another.
We are sometimes tempted to buy into a savior mentality, as if that was our role. It’s not. We're not the ones to save, rescue, or fix. We have always been, at best, a conduit for His love and grace.
I watched Emanuel, our Program Director, continue that expression recently. He lives in the house on Westcott my family and I lived in for 12 years in Washington Park. He had to make a decision to remove a few kids from the program. It was hard on him and the staff. But, I watched the grace he showed the caring, though upset, parents. I then watched him purposely make time to include a young boy in one-on-one time. He took him to sporting and community events in and outside the city. He would check on him at school during the week. I see a commitment in him to show that God is for that young man, and that Emanuel loves and is for him, also.
And I am taken back as I remember my own story. I had few people stick with me when I was 16 years old and was charged as an adult for drug trafficking. Many people wrote me off and simply disappeared from my life. But, I had a coach continue to pursue me when I was kicked out of school and would never be able to play football for him or anyone else again. That kind of love is powerful. It’s a spotlight to the pursuit of God with man, and reveals a wonderful, even if small, picture of His transferred nearness.
May God continue to use Emanuel, you, and I in life-changing ways through our intentional relationships!
